Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
