NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
