Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
