I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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