your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
