You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
