It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Randomize
