I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
