your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
