Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
"it" just moved
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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