Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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