i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
