Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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