I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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