So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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