Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Are we in a gay sports bar?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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