I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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