i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
