I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
