I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
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