paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I seem to have left my pride at pride
we made out on top of his cat.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
