Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My bed smells like the plague
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
