I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
How does it feel to date your dad?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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