just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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