PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
