You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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