you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
3 2 1 whiskey
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
