i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
