I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
