Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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