On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I puked a lego.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
