You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
