I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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