Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
