I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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