Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
