I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Hippo gnu deer
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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