Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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