You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Are we still banned from the library?
How external is "for external use only"?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
