He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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