so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
