Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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