i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
