i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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