You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
