I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
