I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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