if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
