fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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