I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
